User talk:Floating Doge
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the You're Driving Me Crazy page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:15, January 18, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:18, January 18, 2015 (UTC) Story Wording errors: if you abbreviate a word, you need to include a period. (Although I would advise against abbreviating as it makes the story appear less formal.) "This'll be a story about a (an/the) incident that's (that) ended the whole thing.", "I hit the swing whilst he was tagging along more work.", "Their long (loud?), boastful voices could be heard from a mile (away)." I haven't heard anyone describe a voice as long. "Martin had ended up in the sanatory." You mean sanitarium? Sanatory is an adjective meaning relating to health/medicine Plot issues: These were what really tipped the scale against your story.. "The boys were detained, but released days later." Why were they released? They beat a kid to death in the middle of a park. The protagonist mentions he even has a tape of the beating. "When he returned home, I deployed the recording that was on the thumb drive. Apparently, Simon's camera had been running the entire time.". Additionally how did Simon arrange the note and camera in his room if he was beaten so bad that the trauma killed him a few days later? "Of course, he didn't suspect me." Why wouldn't he? The protagonist was there when the bully beat Simon to death. "When he called me to fix his PC, in fear, I calmly said nothing seemed out of order, grinning wildly." Why would he call the protagonist in to help fix his computer? (You mention he's tech savvy, but it makes no sense for Martin to call in someone who witnessed his crime for a favor. ("Look, I know I beat your only friend to death a few days ago, but could you do me a solid and fix my computer as I'm clearly familiar with your computer skills, but am forgetful about any grudge you might hold against me?") Additionally, you mention the protagonist is tech. savvy, but having him be able to remotely hack a computer without leaving any traces especially with the evidence which seems to suggest he's in middle school/high school. (A Biology project involving recording plants seems like standard curriculum for starter level Biology. The ending also needs work: "And then I said(comma missing) "Well, what do you know. Looks like the kid really drove you crazy."" First off, why did the bully say that to Simon in the first place? ("You're driving me crazy, kid!") It makes little sense in the context of the story. Why would Martin taunt him in such a way? It comes off like a line you wanted to end the story on so you tried to shoe-horn it into the opening, but given the context it really seems nonsensical. Finally, this really doesn't seem like a creepy pasta. There really isn't an element of creepiness or horror here. The premise could be unsettling if more description was used and there was a bigger build-up to the bullies' breakdown, but as it stands, it really doesn't seem like a creepypastas. The plot holes and wording issues really detracted from the overall quality of the story which resulted in me deleting the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:53, January 18, 2015 (UTC) Re: No problem, just remember that we have the Writer's Workshop to help get feedback for a story before taking it to the main site. (Sort of like testing the waters and seeing what people like and dislike about a story.) And just between you and me, I'm never mad when I delete a story. I do feel disappointed when someone disregards all advice and re-posts a story without making any changes or attempting to improve it, but that's just part of being an admin. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:00, January 19, 2015 (UTC) Re: Review I'll try, but unfortunately it's a bit hectic on my end and I might not get around to it until the weekend. (I have a novella that has been marked for review that I would like to fix up before too much time ellipses.) I would recommend looking through the workshop posts and finding some critique-ers who you think will do a great job of reviewing and messaging them just in case. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:16, January 20, 2015 (UTC) :You can use the template to link stories in a series. You type this at the bottom of each page: :: :And replace "Previous Story Title" and "Next Story Title" with the previous and next stories in the series. If it's the first page, you simply omit the "prev" thing, if it's the last page, you omit the "next". | creepypasta.wikia.com | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] | Underscorre (talk) }} 18:53, March 26, 2015 (UTC)